I’m making a lot of text posts—
I feel the need to say something here to all the people who sent me well wishes when I was upset- even when they didn’t know what was going on. I wasn’t ignoring any of you, I took every kind message to heart and I appreciate it very much. Since things have gone down, I am feeling a lot better.
I’m not afraid to mention what happened either since this isn’t something I find myself needing to hide from. Some people already know that when I was a child I was sexually abused. This was something my parents never knew- because I kept it secret from them. My reasoning was something along the lines of my family undergoing enough hardships without needing to burden them with this. Along with that, the person who did it moved to another country so I saw no point in pursuing, especially since he does a fantastic job ruining his life on his own by doing drugs and getting put into prison. -shrugs- Concerns for family and fear. The more I look at my reasoning the more I do think that I allowed someone to get away with such a disgusting crime but anyone who has been in my position can obviously understand that this isn’t something you can just slip in your dinner conversation with the folks. Especially when you keep quiet about it for many, many years (in my case; 16 years). It’s not easy. Oh and I will add that I dealt with the event(s) emotionally years ago and it doesn’t phase me. Anyone who knows me also knows how I make a lot of jokes about this sort of thing. I’m not a traumatized soul, I’m not damaged. I’m still Azer the artist, writer, student, egotist. Someone so low could not possibly affect the person I become- trolols.
But anyway, the other night I finally told my family all about it and by far the hardest things I’ve ever had to do- and I thought coming out to them was hard- HAHA. I was mostly scared for how my family would take it since there is no way you can take that sort of news well. I was shaken to my core for a couple of days, but now I am relatively back to being myself after spending some time with close friends and clearing my head. So while I’m now fine, the rest of my family is what concerns me the most since I’ve had years to deal with this and my parents have had a little less than a week. There’s nothing but a positive vibe in the household now so we’re all working past it. I wouldn’t say that I’m happier than before, I know that kind of thing will take a lot of time but I am now at the point where I don’t need to hide from this anymore. I can go about my daily life were my biggest problems involve getting up to go to the bathroom when the bed is so warm.
So that’s what’s been up. Thanks again to all my friends who helped me get through this, and everyone who just dropped in to send me a lovely message. It meant something to me and I just want you to know that you weren’t ever ignored.